Some jokes to raise your spirits

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?Pumpkin Pi!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Why did the chicken cross the beach?
To get to the other tide.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn't evolved yet.


Smart dog
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man."That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.
"The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."


Fascinate
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her chest's so big she could only fasten eight!"


Relations
A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations."The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations."The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations."The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations."The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations.""Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"